A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service, and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything'."The local restaurant was so sure that its host was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.The host would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out of the squeezed lemon would win the money.Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen, etc.), but nobody could get another drop out of a lemon after the host had squeezed it.Then one day, a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. In a tiny, squeaky voice he said, "I'd like to try the bet."After the laughter had died. "Matt asked, "Will yours say Williams, or are they like all your others with only 'Matt' on them?"Sherry said over her shoulder as she was heading to the bedroom, "'Matt', of course."I hollered and asked the girls, "Do you want to take me in, or should I drive?"Jeannie hollered back, "We're ready; all we have to do is dress. We'll be out in a couple of minutes."Andy said, "I'm leaving now. I'd ride in with you, but I'll need my car this evening. I'm meeting someone after the game." He got up and stuck his hand out, "Good luck at whatever you do today. I might see you later."I cleaned up the Jenn-air and put the dishes in the dishwasher after Andy left. I made sure the patio doors were locked and closed the drapes. I was just coming back to the kitchen when the two girls came bouncing down the hall. "Let's go win a ballgame, Matt. We're going to be cheering extra loud."Scott was standing in the hall and asked, "Can I ride in with you? Nancy and Freddie have seats behind the family.
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